Anon Fan Club

What could be more exciting than to have my very own fan club? Yes, I was delighted to entertain some unexpected company last weekend, especially since they happen to be the offspring of my ex-boyfriend. :) I just want you all to know, people, that I'm a bigger person than most ex-girlfriends would be. I took no vengeance on these precious little ones. I treated them like I treat my own. (They actually thought the "tar-n-feather" thing was kind of fun.) :)

How do I know these little tikes are part of my fan club? As soon as Miss E arrived at my house, she told me that she's seen my blog before and that she likes it. "It has faces with just the eyes showing. It cracks me up!", she said. Of course, her brother looked over and smiled as if he were agreeing with her, so I officially put them on the "Anon's Fan Club" list.

Now, I will let you know that it's been a little while since I've had a preschooler of the male gender in my household. I had proudly announced to my Life Long Friend that taking care of the kids would be no problem because my house was kid-proof. Little did I know that my house wasn't Z***-proof, things that I thought I had forgotten quickly returned to me while taking care of "The Monkey". (You'll understand why Mr. Z has inherited that nickname further down this post.) My son is and has always been a very strong boy from the moment he arrived in the world. I constantly joke that Samson must have had my son's body type when he was a child. Some boys are just naturally stronger and Mr. Z is one of those kind of kids. Every move he tried, I was able to maneuver because my son tried the same wrestling moves with me when he was that age. However, I didn't anticipate the climbing this kid can do. I've never had a climber in my household and let me tell you, the boy was everywhere and then some.

So, I've come up with some interesting observations for you.

"Things" I Forgot About Rearing a Three Year Old Boy:
1. Messy Pants (yuck) and snotty noses
2. Blocks are not made for building; blocks are made for dumping.
3. If you leave the door unlocked during a bathroom break, you will have a visitor.
4. Eating the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charm cereal deems a necessity to ask for more, even though the "cereal" hasn't been touched.
5. If you want to take a shower, you should do that BEFORE the preschooler arrives.
6. Messy Pants (No, I'm not repeating myself. The kid had no mercy.)
7. Boys have more equipment to clean around than girls when it comes to this business of messy pants.
8. Lights can have a cool, strobe-light effect if you turn the switch on and off as fast as you can.
9. If you decide to take a shower while a preschooler is coherent, plus forget to lock the bathroom door, you will have a Peeping Tom.
10. Patience is not an attribute a preschooler understands. If he wants a game on the top of a book shelf and you tell him to wait just a second while you help his sister with something, he will proceed to think the shelf is actually a ladder. Whoops....he almost made it to the top which is scary if you knew how unsteady the shelf is. Let's just say, it's definitely not meant for climbing.
11. Toys are a bunch of fun if you bang them, throw them or make crashing noises with them.
12. If there is a birthday present on a high shelf of a china cabinet for a party the following day, it will be unwrapped before the party. Yep, you guessed it, The Monkey is not scared of heights.
13. Announcing that "it's time to get in the van" means I put the coat on, I tie the shoe laces, I put him in the car seat and I fasten the seat belt. (the emphasis is on the "I")
14. Putting a coat on is a phrase for the sport we all know as "wrestling".
15. When trying to make cupcakes for a birthday party, you will have a taste tester sitting on your counter and looking at you with these pathetic little eyes.
16. Bar stools are great fun to kick down while the sitter is making cupcakes.
17. The keyboard of a piano makes a really cool sound when you roller skate on it. (Yes, that would be one leg planted on the bench while he balances himself like a dog does a fire hydrant and runs his free leg with the roller skate attached to his foot down the keyboard several times. That is, until the sitter stopped him.)
18. Washing hands in the bathroom with cool foaming soap is an opportunity to develop those bubble-making tendencies.
19. Taking turns with brushing teeth (I brush first, then he gets his turn) may inspire him to give dirty looks and be disgusted with you.
20. Selective hearing is a talent.

What I Love About Taking Care of a Three Year Old Boy:
1. Boy noises, it's a nice change of pace from all the cutesy, girley chat.
2. Peek-a-boo is still a fun game.
3. Mr. Monkey roller skating across my kitchen floor, tumbling head over heels, then getting up and saying, "It's okay, Z***y fine." Then going right back at it.
4. Taking a shower and someone opening the curtain to say "Kurprise!"
5. Turning up the volume dial while you play a little Skillet during breakfast and you notice he's swaying his body to the music and smiling while his sister is saying, "Could you turn that down a little?"
6. Preschool boys don't mind playing with Barbies if their sister asks them to.
7. Hearing "Come Here" so he can show you his bubble creation and watching how his face lights up when you act like it's the best thing you've seen since flushable wipes.
8. Looking back in the rear-view mirror and getting a great big grin. The deja vu part is that he resembles my ex-boyfriend, so it's one of those moments where you stop and think to yourself about the whole circle of life concept. Crazy. I can't believe we all have kids now.
9. Playing hard and wrestling causes laughter instead of whining that my girls tend to do.
10. Cupcakes that are made in an ice cream cone and look like an ice cream cone should be eaten like an ice cream cone. Have you ever seen someone eat cake by licking every drop of it?

The best part about taking care of a 3-year old boy that is not yours........(drum roll please)...sending him home with his aunt! The day was full of adventure, but the little guy tuckered me out. I'm a little out of shape.

"Stuff" I Learned From a Kindergartner:
1. The phrase that states something about "talking your head off" is not true. She tried and it never worked.
2. Not all kindergartners know the lyrics to "Comotose", "Have a Nice Day" or "I Want Your ...." (hahaha, just kidding BJ Buddy, I don't have that album anymore.....scared ya, didn't I?)
3. Some kindergartners need you to flush the toilet for them because they're scared of the sound.
4. Surprisingly, this kindergartner likes grapefruit. We split one, but I had my doubts. She ate the entire portion.
5. Making grapefruit juice from the fruit itself is a wonder. "My mom doesn't make juice like that."
6. If you have a child with the gift of communication, you should caution them about the information that they share with others. When I asked her what her brother eats, she answered, "Sausage, bologna and hot dogs.....that's all Mommy feeds him." hahaha, I think his aunt got him some popcorn at the ball game the next day, so at least he's getting a little vegetable in his diet.
7. Having a kindergartner that doesn't have an older sister who's in the "tween" stage means that when the stereo in your minivan is playing "High School Musical", she going to ask, "What song is this?" (Although she recognized "Together" from a commercial, she didn't know the dance. That's a crime in my house. The girls and I all do that every time the song plays, it's a simply a given.)
8. Watching a movie means to let her know when the next song is coming on.
9. Kindergartners are sharp as a tack. When it comes to licking the beaters, that girl knows how to get her brother preoccupied, so she can enjoy the batter to herself. (That's my kind of girl.)
10. This kindergartner is a great organizer of time. She'd pick a game for us to play and as I'd set up the game, she would let me know the next game I'd get to play with her.
11. It possible to learn how to play a new video game when your older brother isn't present. I had to give her lots of encouragement, but she had a good handle on Chicken Little before the afternoon was over.
12. Purses, like the one she has, are expensive.......she "got her purse at Walmart".
13. God uses the heart of a child to remind you of what's important. Several times that day, Miss E reminded me to pray for her Uncle Josh. "He was in a diving accident and almost died. We need to pray for him. God will help him. I love my Uncle Josh."

Thank God for the faith of a child.

Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord our God will be with you wherever you go."

.....and so it is. The God of Abraham and Moses is with us. As Miss E reminded me, let me remind you that our brother needs our prayers and our help. www.greenhouseministries.org

I'm glad to have been a help in this small way last weekend. What a wonderful privilege to take care of the two newest members of my Fan Club.

**If you would like to become a member of Anon Fan Club, please send a photo revealing your eyes only, of course, and $10 to my address.